I get emails from people across the country wanting my advice on abuse, resources and just general support. I have shared my personal, professional experiences and expertise; many ask me, "How do you do it?" Victims of crime, specifically, want to know how I am able to be positive and come out the other side with my head up. The answer is I go within. I am honest with myself and I have always been emotionally mature. This maturity comes from my childhood. Through spending time going within and past therapy, I have learned that my issues stemmed from not being given the love parents should give their child. My trauma is abandonment. Prior to today, the last time that I felt truly happy was when I was eight years old. I have a picture of me at eight in my multi-colored swimsuit with my hair braided by my beloved grandmother. I look at that picture all the time and tell her to keep her head up. I realized at a very young age that I was different. I always felt like I was older because of how I handled situations growing up. Most kids would probably freak out or act out but I didn't; I decided to treat every experience as a lesson. Don't ask me if that was a coping mechanism or what; I don't know. Positivity became my survival tool. I decided that kindness is going to help me in my life. People tell me all the time that I'm very strong; I don't necessarily see that but I feel it. Sometimes people in my life have mistaken that strength for not needing love or attention. I also feel that my kindness attracts a lot of energy vampires in my life. I have learned through healing and going within how to let go of such connections. Ive also discovered that negative ancestral patterns involving co-dependency that I decided to terminate in my family through healing. These are negative behavioral patterns passed down from generation to generation. Healing trauma is facing your fears, acknowledging your pain, and deciding that you are worthy of peace in your life. Three years ago, I decided that I need to first acknowledge my pain and begin the healing process. I decided to "Level up."
When I was a teenager, I knew that I always wanted to be in the helping profession. I came from a family of lawyers and professionals. I think people thought that I would be one to continue that legacy but the injustice I felt as a child pushed me to want to help others in a way that was more socially conscious. When I started working with crime victims, I started to realize a pattern. People are ignoring and holding onto a lot of pain. I also thought to myself, in order to help others, I need to address my pain. So I did. I did some therapy in my early adult years. Therapy was definitely not my jam. It was hard and ugly and I didn't do it for long. When I started to work for law enforcement, I got triggered a lot. There was a time in my career when I was asked to go to crime scenes. Once I started to go to homicides and violent crimes, and give death notification to families, I started to feel the impact of my unresolved family issues. The pain from trauma bleeds over into your personal life and also the decisions you make. Unresolved trauma is a burden. For this reason, I encourage people to go within and embrace your pain. So how do you begin healing trauma? How do you, "Level Up"?
Trauma is defined as any significant event or incident that shaped you as an individual. This event causes you to feel pain, regret, remorse or shame. I began my healing journey years ago but my priorities changed and I had trouble balancing family life and career so I put my healing on hold for years. When I decided to put myself first and address my healing, I took these following steps to begin the process:
1. I first acknowledged that I needed to heal and was willing to put in the time and effort.
2. Seek Professional assistance. You have to talk to a professional licensed therapist to understand what type of trauma you need to heal from and address. For example, are you suffering from a loss or a childhood trauma? Therapy is also beneficial to help with coping skills needed to manage emotional responses to trauma like PTSD, grief, depression, addiction, shame, guilt etc. I realize from personal experience that therapy is difficult and at times I hated it.
3. Healing is of body and mind. You have to address both. There has to be a balance. For this reason, I benefited greatly from practicing meditation and mindfulness. Quieting the mind and sitting in silence calms your mind and body. I am a big advocate of spiritual practices that ground my energy and keep me from overthinking like meditation and yoga. You don't have to be spiritual to practice just be open to receiving the benefits.
4. Healthy eating and living. Like I said before, it's all about balancing your mind and body. What you put in your body makes a difference. I began eating clean and became more conscious of what I put in my body and I started to limit vices like sugar and alcohol. A regular exercise routine became my jam. I hate exercise but being active is great for your mental health. Exercise creates positive feelings. When I first began to get in shape, I started simple with doing a 30 day challenge. I did the 30 day plank challenge. It looks simple but man can it start you in the right direction. After that, I started to do beginners yoga and there is a great workout where you hold 15 poses for 30 seconds and I swear this workout alone 3x a week for 30 days changed my body. I'll put the link at end of post. People think I workout hours a day and hard, nope. There is no need. I incorporate an exercise routine that is relatively relaxed. I exercise no more than 30 minutes 3 or 4 times a week. If I'm not feeling it; I don't pressure myself. Instead, I'll go for a walk.
5. Family support. I love my support system. They are great because they check-in on me regularly but there is never any pressure for me to share. I'm a very private person and they know this about me. My brother and my cousin are my biggest supporters. A support system is beneficial for healing; we all need love and support and our own cheering section. If you don't have family or friends that can offer support try joining support groups. Being around others that may have similar experiences and sharing can help with coping. I used to facilitate support groups so don't fear everyone will know your business. There is a confidentiality component, circle of trust.
Taking these five steps helped me embrace my healing journey. Healing is timeless and everyone heals differently and at a different pace. You have to be committed to doing the work and facing the dark side. Not many want to face their insecurities. I think that's what happened to me and why my journey got derailed. I couldn't face certain unfavorable aspects of my personality. I told myself that there were other things that were more important like being a good wife and mother but the reality was by not healing my pain I created more. So if you have the courage to heal there is so much support for you regardless of your situation. Don't ever think you are too old or in too deep; change is inevitable. Healing is a form of self love. When you begin to heal, you start to grow. When you start to grow, flowers bloom. My healing is an everyday event. Healing from trauma is a battle; some days you feel success and other days you trip on an emotion or fall down, but you always have the choice to get up and start over without judgement.
Judgement; It's a phenomenon. I will say this, when I started to heal and my sprouts began to bloom, people that I thought were friends got very jealous and envious. I noticed that during my healing process, I had to let go of people that were no longer serving my greatest good. False friends and relatives that were energy vampires. These people in my life were very dishonest and mistaken my kindness for weakness and through healing my shadow side (dark side), I realized that this was part of my imbalance. They started to criticize my growth or make up horrible rumors about me because they were projecting their own unhappiness onto me. You might encounter this judgement and it is because they are cowards and cannot face their own shadow so they try to dim your light that you are discovering through therapy and healing. So don't let these people discourage you; move forward. Sometimes through your healing journey, people that hindered your growth start to fall away like leaves on a tree; let it happen. It's part of a cycle of rebirth. They don't have the courage to heal but you do! My favorite Tupac quote, "Just because you lost me as a friend doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger than that. You can still eat, just not at my table." The more you take your healing seriously the more beautiful you get on the inside and out. So are you ready? 5 4 3 2 1 LEVEL UP!
I hope this information is helpful and I share my experience to help encourage positive change. Love yourself and begin the healing process if it feels right to you and always seek professional help. The people there to support you and your journey are your true supporters.
The Victim Assistant
Peace, Love and Happiness
Please subscribe and share my podcast: The Victim Assistant, Crime Victim Advocacy
https://www.spreaker.com/show/the-victim-assistant
My YouTube channel: The Victim Assistant Lifestyle- Self-care, advocacy and lifestyle info.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsYj6BivD3_D79wph4VwbrA
15 Yoga poses that will change your body
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt1bsoOukjI
Mental Health resource:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
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