Boundaries are beautiful. Boundaries increase self-esteem, helps to promote independence, autonomy, and helps you conserve your emotional energy for self. On the flip side, building up walls comes from a place of defensiveness but, setting healthy boundaries comes from a place of love for self. So let's explore how to connect with others through healthy rules and guidelines when it comes to intimacy, communication and interpersonal relationships. We learn about boundaries early on in life through our culture, family dynamics, and our environment. Boundaries can change over the years as our minds grow and perspectives change. As we mature, our perspectives can shift. We begin to have a better understanding of who we are and what we are comfortable with. Through self-reflection we often can begin to define and identify the boundaries that we need to set in place and with whom. Boundaries are flexible because situations and circumstances change in relationships and there is sometimes a need for re-evaluation. In order to begin setting healthy boundaries, we should understand our general human rights. How many of you know your rights as a person? It is something that we often forget or minimize and becoming a professional advocate instilled the importance. Human rights are standards that allow people to live with dignity, freedom, equality, justice, and peace( theadvocatesforhumanrights). So here is a link to our 30 basic human rights:
https://opseu.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/30_basic_human_rights_list_english.pdf
Once you identify your rights, you'll begin to honor them and stand in your power. Sometimes we all have to revisit and remind ourselves of our worth so that we can put a stop to people taking advantage of our good natures. Before we start cranking out how to set boundaries, let's quickly go over what is important for safe, healthy boundaries. The answer is values. Your moral philosophy ties heavily into the ability to set healthy boundaries. If you lack morals, then you will have a harder time respecting yourself or others. Be honest with yourself. Some core values are honesty, loyalty, integrity and respect. Do you live by these values? Setting healthy boundaries is all about protecting your best interests, mental and emotional health. Start by deciding what type of boundary is needed: physical, emotional, familial, parental. If you are needing to set parental boundaries, I'll link an article that can help you set boundaries with children and teens because the dynamics are different.
*Safety Alert: If you are in an abusive relationship or dealing with someone who is dangerous or threatening, please work with a therapist, counselor, advocate or experienced professional to help create a safety plan. In these circumstances, boundaries can increase the risk of lethality if not careful. If you are setting sexual boundaries with a partner, understand consent and what you truly want from sex. I will link resource at bottom.*
I've had to re-learn setting healthy boundaries. Now, I consider myself a boundary warrior. So let's learn how to draw the lines in the sand with confidence. Instead of a wall, let's put up a nice gate with a password for entry. These are my following suggestions on how to be a Boss Bae Boundary setter:
Know your value: People tend to walk over others that underestimate their value. When you stand in your power, people can tell you are no no-nonsense and mean business. Practice more self-love if you have trouble with your value.
Speak your truth: Communicate your expectations and limitations. Be clear. People should know your position, where you stand and what you accept. Define the boundary. Say no when necessary; the power of "NO". An example of expressing your boundary would be to say, "I feel...." "What I need is....." Experts recommend using I statements when setting healthy boundaries.
Warnings: Now, personally, I don't give warnings freely. I treat others the way I want to be treated so if people decide to test my boundaries or walk the line; I don't tolerate that anymore. Use discernment when it comes to giving people warnings. Remember that poor boundaries leads to disappointment, resentment, and anger for yourself and others.
Set consequences: Accountability is key. Communicate the violation with kindness and compassion. Use your "I" statements when communicating and be assertive; stand your ground. Affirm that your boundary is set and don't accept excuses for the violation. The consequences of not respecting your boundary depends on the situation and their response. For me, I often detach from the situation and the outcome. If the person truly respects me, they will follow with a response of acknowledgement and accountability.
Boundaries are here to help us grow and become more stable in our lives. We need to set healthy boundaries for healthy relationships. We have to be open to recognizing other people's boundaries too. Always watch for physical and emotional cues or just ask. Acknowledge that setting boundaries is challenging and often we feel guilt or selfishness. Just know that setting healthy, clear boundaries is an act of self-love and is necessary for good mental health and well-being. I often think of relationships and boundaries as a two way street. I keep my side of the street clean, free of cracks and potholes and it's up to the other person to do the same for their side. Remember that boundary setting is a process and a tool to empower yourself to only have supportive individuals in your life that lift you up and not pull you down. Good luck being the Boss Bae of Boundary Setting.
The Victim Assistant- Peace, Love, and Happiness
Listen to my podcast: The Victim Assistant, Crime Victim Advocacy available on most outlets. https://www.spreaker.com/show/the-victim-assistant
Visit my YouTube Page The Victim Assistant Lifestyle for self-care and advocacy for crime victims.https://youtu.be/hATeFpIS5yo
https://parentandteen.com/7-smart-tips-for-setting-boundaries-for-your-teenager/
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
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