I will be 46 years old this month. I have had to reinvent myself numerous times in my life. Sometimes, I wonder how I did it and still remain positive and able to help others. Giving to others gives me the strength and courage to persevere. Being in the giving profession has opened me up to a lot of different perspectives on life. It has also helped me realize that there needs to be balance in all relationships in life, reciprocity. Unfortunately, I am a sucker for energy vampires in my life. I draw them to me like moths to a flame. Through taking the time to heal past pain and trauma, I have realized that my achilles heal is abandonment. I gave to the wrong people and developed unhealthy relationships all because I did not realize my worth. We all have so much value no matter what we have been through. I tolerated a lot of b.s. and developed too much of a people pleasing attitude. Somewhere along the way I lost my voice.
It's funny because, I wasn't always like this. In high school, I was known as the kind, carefree girl that got along with everyone. No one messed with me because I had this quiet confidence. It could also be because I was the only Latina girl in a sea of white girls and maybe they thought I'd get real with them if they messed with me; I don't know. Sometimes I do reflect the stereotypes of Latina women, strength and badassery. For this reason, I think back on my younger self and I can't believe that I lost touch of who I was as I grew older. As a teenager, I felt more like my true self than I did at 40. Crazy. I do understand that a life event in my teens triggered my regression. Before that, I found no issues walking away from people that did not treat me well. I gave two F's back then because, I knew my personality and love of life would connect me to new people. It wasn't until my forty second birthday that I decided to rediscover my true self. When you are struggling in every aspect of your life marriage, parenting, career... it's a signal that you need to reevaluate, reflect and reinvent yourself.
How do you reinvent yourself? There have been three significant times in my life that I've had to start over from scratch. I'm talking having no support and building a foundation out of dreams and action. This last episode is my last. Ive declared this is the absolute last time for me because I've actually taken the time to heal pain and do the inner and outer work. I am no longer repeating cycles. I've decided to learn and grow this time so the foundation I've built is sturdy and won't crumble. In the past, band-aids held together foundations and the towers always fall. So in order to reinvent my self and align with who and what I am supposed to be, I began asking these questions and taking the following actions:
1. Who do you want to be? Self-reflection.
2. Get physically fit! I practice healthy eating, exercise and regular health checks.
3. Yoga and Meditation changed my life. Both activities bring me mental clarity and well-being. Check out my previous posts in my Innovative Self-Care series.
4. Honesty. I own my sh!t. I take responsibility for my past choices and mistakes. I forgive myself and others and ask for forgiveness from those that I hurt.
5. Clean house. Literally and figuratively. I cleared out everything phsyically and mentally that does not serve my highest good. Change cannot happen when you hold on to past beliefs and people that no longer serve you. Cleaning house helps you make room for all the wonderful new things that want to come into your life. You'll know exactly what to let go of when you do the self-reflection. This also includes releasing toxic behaviors and people. Note to self, when you release toxic people they will cling to you and or retaliate. You don’t owe them any explanations. Letting go is an act of self-love. Release with love and compassion.
6. Journaling. I write and process my feelings. It is also a great reminder of how far you progress. Check out my YouTube Channel, The Victim Assistant Lifestyle to learn how to journal. Some good journal prompts are "How am I feeling", Why", and "Is there anything I can do in the present moment to change this feeling?"
7. Express yourself. Start to live your authentic life. Too many people live in fear. I chose freedom. I live outside of the box where there is light. Be the light for yourself and others. The world is full of scaredy-cats and copycats so do you boo. Take risks. Block out the negative people that will try to bring you out of your growth mindset. Trust me when you start to heal and step into your authenticity, you will trigger people with your growth and love for yourself. It takes a lot of courage and strength to heal broken hearts and not everyone has the willingness to change. I've been dealing with haters a lot lately constantly hearing the horrible things they say about my transformation. They say i'm fake and self-absorbed because I chose to put myself first and walk away from toxic people and situations. Do not acknowledge the hate. Turn a blind eye to it. Start expressing your truth through speech and your actions and this will release you from the negative vibes. It's none of your business what others think of you.
8. Practice self-care and love. Take the time to do things that bring you joy. Spend time with those that lift your spirits. Surround yourself with love. One of my favorite things to do is recite daily positive affirmations. Self-love is not selfish; it's a gift to yourself.
9. Routines. Develop a daily routine and change it up occasionally. For example, part of my a.m. routine is to mediate but sometimes I'll exchange it for listening to meditation music. According to health experts, routines are really good for you. Routines reduce stress, anxiety and promotes healthy habits. It usually takes 21 days to form new habits so be patient with yourself. My morning routine is developed to increase my productivity and creativity which carries me through the day. My evening routine involves reflection of my day and includes prayer and journal writing. Do what works for you that will benefit your life.
10. Flip the script. You have the power to rewrite the script to your life and it begins with the power of positivity. Try to avoid negative self-talk, comparing yourself to others, and override with optimism. I am human and I have days where I feel drained, sad, or I feel delayed in my progress. In order to stay on my path, I immediately flip the script and recite positive affirmations or express gratitude. Gratitude really cultivates more optimism. When you are in the present moment reflecting on what you currently have in life that is wonderful, you'll snap right out of the lack mentality. Finally, music is definitely a vibration lifter for me. I'll put on Selena and its sunshine for the rest of the day.
Making major life changes is never easy. There is not just one way to self-improvement. Sometimes the road is long, windy, and bumpy but reinventing yourself is the key to happiness. Being in a growth mindset and focused on self is going to carry you forward into a very rewarding chapter of your life. Do not let fear or negative people hold you back from your destiny. Everyone deserves to live their truth! Take the time for self-reflection and ask that important question, "Who do I want to be?" Evaluate your goals, dreams and make a practical plan. Your plan should incorporate honesty about your strength and weaknesses. Always trust and believe in yourself; you are in control. There are no limits to what you can do to improve your life. These 10 actions really made a difference in my life and although I have difficult days, I know that my hardest are in the past and I took only the lessons and left everything else behind. I began a new chapter in my life by focusing on what really matters to me, and I ignore distractions. Final thought; do not underestimate the ability to create positive change in your life or the effort it requires. "Last night I took an L, but tonight I bounce back!"- Big Sean.
For more self-care and love tips read my blog series: Innovative self care.
http://pandatheadvocate.blogspot.com/2021/04/innovative-self-care-practices-building.html
Mental health resource:
The Victim Assistant- Peace, Love, and Happiness
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Listen to my podcast: The Victim Assistant, Crime Victim Advocacy available on most outlets. https://www.spreaker.com/show/the-victim-assistant
Visit my YouTube Page The Victim Assistant Lifestyle for self-care and advocacy for crime victims.https://youtu.be/hATeFpIS5yo
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