In lieu of the R.Kelly trial, I have felt compelled to talk about victim blaming attitudes and belief systems as a debilitating cultural norm. I will specifically address violence against women in this post. Victim blaming occurs when a victim of crime is considered at fault or partially at fault for the harmful act against them. As a professional crime victim advocate, I have always felt it necessary to educate people about victimization and people's responses to crime to help mitigate the prejudice against victims and the perception from society that victims are some how responsible for the actions of the violent offender. This happens a lot in sexual assault and domestic violence cases. We have witnessed, predominately in the R.Kelly trial, past and present, the perpetuation of rape culture and the normalized attitudes about gender and sexuality. Victim blaming, slut-shaming, minimizing rape and the denial of accountability of the offenders is the norm. Society bathes in outdated belief systems that normalize sexual aggression and violence against women. It has been proven in R.Kelly's previous trial, when jurors were questioned after the trial, many pointed fingers at the victims and mischaracterized their actions not understanding that minors cannot consent to sexual contact or the fact there was video proof of abuse. Understanding victimization and how people respond and cope with trauma is important. People respond to trauma differently and not everyone follows the best practices in reporting and healing. By the way, there is no such thing. Reactions can be immediate, delayed, logical, or unpredictable. There are too many emotions and circumstances based on the crime to pass judgement on anyone for not reporting or healing the way you think they should. Victim blaming occurs because of misdirected responsibility. This misinformation or understanding of responsibility leads me to want to talk about things we can do to stop victim blaming. Here are some things we can do as a society to stop victim blaming:
1. Awareness- No one is immune to crime. We have to stop believing that if it doesn't happen to me; it doesn't happen at all. Victim blaming is a defense mechanism and people do this so they can be in control; no one wants to feel unsafe or insecure. Especially in the United States, we put so much emphasis on independence and control of our lives that we cannot allow the possibility of the opposite. Instead, we create defense mechanisms so our peace is not disturbed. Victim blamers believe if rape or abuse happened to a stranger it must be because of something they did or didn't do. For these myths to end, we have to educate the community on victimization, domestic violence, rape culture, grooming, and information on why victims stay in abuse, don't report, and the cycle of violence. We have a responsibility to raise awareness as professionals. As members of society we have a moral obligation to do better and be better. Reaching out to our youth is a great way to start breaking the cycle of violence and victim blaming attitudes. Teaching young men about toxic masculinity and vulnerability is key. We can start a culture of safety by doing this. We should develop a willingness to learn before judgement.
2. Ask the right questions! Victim blaming begins with asking the wrong questions: Why was she out late at night? Why was she drunk? Why didn't they report it right away? Why didn't they just leave? Why are we avoiding asking the right questions? The right questions: Why did he rape her? Why did he abuse her? What were the barriers to keep her from leaving? Expressions of compassion and empathy should always follow validation. Asking the right questions enables survivors to feel safe and believed. We also hold offenders accountable by making bold statements like "Don't Rape" or "Don't Abuse!"
3. Accountability- "It is NEVER the victim's fault!" Every time we blame the victim, we encourage and perpetuate violent, predatory behavior in our society. There is absolutely no excuse for violence! The blame stays with the perpetrator.
4.Believe- Believe and support survivors. Put yourself in the victim's shoes if you question their honesty. Everyone loves someone and what if someone hurt your loved one? Ask yourself this question: Would you want your loved one to be questioned and not believed?
5. Change the dialog. Flip the script and challenge victim blaming culture and attitudes. It can be simple as changing what we view on television and social media. There should be a no tolerance for victim blaming jargon or old outdated belief systems involving sex and gender. Call it out and set the record straight! Be an advocate for social change.
That's it folks. Level up, understand victimization before you pass judgement; dump old stereotypes and myths about sex and abuse. Survivors of violent crime understand victim blaming is of lack of knowledge and people tend to project their own insecurities on to others so, do not take it personal; keep living, healing and speaking your truth. “It is NEVER the victims fault!" should be everyone's mantra. Love it, acknowledge it, take a damn picture of it; but, the blame game is won by those that defeat misogyny.
The Victim Assistant- Peace, Love, and Happiness
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
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