Let's abandon the phrase, “Hurt people, hurt people”

 Why do we say the phrase, "Hurt people, hurt people," when we hear conversations about people doing others wrong? Why do we take comfort in assuming that the hurt was unintentional. There are many phrases and sayings that I feel society needs to abandon because they no longer serve the well-being of humanity. Basically, letting go of ideals or old belief systems that no longer serve our highest and greatest good. There are numerous beliefs that our society holds onto with bloody fingernails because they are rooted in the foundations of our upbringing and environment. People resist change. People love comfort zones. Some people even avoid feelings. For this reason, and because growth offers opportunity; I want to abandon the phrase, “Hurt people, hurt people.” First of all, this is actually a quote by Will Bowen, “ Hurt people, hurt people. We are not being judgmental by separating ourselves from such people.  But we should do so with compassion.” If the quote was actually used right or said in its entirety, it sets the tone for healthy dialogue about healing.  The ultimate idea of this quote is that love of self is the greatest form of compassion. However, society tends to cheat ourselves out of the truth. We love escaping the truth for what seems easier and that is the belief that hurt people can’t help but hurt others. For this reason, I abandon this phrase in hopes of highlighting that healing wounds and pain is what will lead to enlightenment and freedom. There is no excuse not to heal or to be so burdened, by your pain, that you hurt someone. 

It is understood that people that have experienced being hurt that have not begun the healing journey will begin to be defensive and will utilize defense mechanisms to prevent them from being hurt again but, in turn, do the opposite and end up hurting others. Either intentional or unintentionally, you should not project your pain onto others. We must know that all pain is the same. Hurt people hurting people are people who have emotional and behavioral wounds that go deep and unnoticed. When we use the phrase, Hurt people, hurt people” we are saying that it is ok to do so because to err is human. I say,”No more!”. You do not get a free pass for hurting others because you are not ready or do not have the courage to heal your trauma or emotional pain. Accountability is key in healing.  You have to take responsibility for your healing and your behavior. Acceptance is also important in healing. Accept that you have work to do and have a journey attached to healing your past pain or trauma.  One way we can let go of this awful statement is to understand why we hurt each other in order to gain a perspective that will help us release this old, outdated concept of acceptance of people that hurt others. 

So why do we hurt each other? There are many reasons that people hurt the ones they love. Let's list a few of the following reasons:

1. Low self-esteem or dislike for self. 

2. Lack empathy.

3. Selfish agenda. 

4. Power and control.

5. Avoidance

6. Self-sabotage

Many people go through life repeatedly hurting others and society's acceptance policy is to reinforce statements like, "Hurt people, hurt people." In order for a statement like this to die, we have to evolve as a society and start acting with integrity, speaking with truth, and being our authentic selves. Harmful phrases will begin to diminish because they will no longer have anyone to attach themselves to. We can break the cycle of hurting others by loving ourselves. I speak heavily about the concept of self-love and discovery. I live my life in direct reflection of self-love. The moment I started to love my self, I started to heal. The moment I started to love myself, I started to understand the pain I may have indirectly caused others. We are all subject to evaluation. 

So to conclude, I want to start to break the cycle of hurt by explaining how we can avoid hurting others and begin to abandon the "Hurt people, hurt people" dialogue. First, practice self-love. Self-love is about well-being and acceptance. Secondly, work on forgiveness. I do not believe forgiveness is the key to healing but it can help you release what no longer serves you so you can make room for something better. Forgiveness doesn't come easily and not in every situation. You can always look at your pain through the lens of gratefulness. Be grateful that you have experienced hardships so you can learn the lesson and grow; this perspective may help you forgive. Thirdly, work on healing. Facing your pain helps others heal. Instead of hurting others, invest the energy in helping yourself. Next, learn healthy coping skills and behaviors that will encourage growth and development. A good therapist can help with that. Finally, choose peace. You have the choice to engage in the dark side of human behavior or go towards the light. You can transform your pain into healing and alchemize your destiny. We all have to do the work. If we start to abandon old belief systems in our society that encourage acceptance of bad behavior, then we are reframing our societal norms. The societal norms and constructs that keep us stuck in repressed thinking. When we leave behind phrases like, "Hurt people, hurt people.", we will begin to see a positive shift in society that resembles integrity and honor. What we view on social media or television will be altered by new energy and healthier concepts. It all starts by re-evaluating how we approach pain and hurt. Instead of attaching excuses to why others hurt others, we move forward by understanding the cycle of pain and choosing not to accept, " hurt people hurt people"as an excuse. Are you ready to let go of the hurt people hurt people phenomena? It's time!

The Victim Assistant- Peace Love and Happiness

Visit my social media (Twitter and Instagram @victimassistant) and listen to my Podcast: The Victim Assistant, Crime Victim Advocacy. My linktree below:

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Resources:

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help

https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/tools-resources/index.htm

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