The Victim Assistant 🐼

I like to talk about my healing journey and offer support and hope to those that want to explore self love and healing trauma but don't know how. This post may not resonate for everyone but, I feel compelled to share my experience with healing generational trauma. As I sifted through my past and decisions, I can't help but feel like obligation and family expectations tainted my judgement. Do you feel that your family has unresolved trauma that is being passed down to generations? My answer to this question was yes. I have been on an emotional journey of healing and growth which has brought about many realizations and harsh truths about my ancestry. All my life, I have felt an inner knowing that I was made to stand out or for a big purpose; however, I never really felt supported or encouraged to growing up. I lacked stability and safety as a child. This inner knowing has sat with me all my life untapped. I started to ask myself the hard questions. When I first started to develop

 In lieu of the R.Kelly trial, I have felt compelled to talk about victim blaming attitudes and belief systems as a debilitating cultural norm. I will specifically address violence against women in this post. Victim blaming occurs when a victim of crime is considered at fault or partially at fault for the harmful act against them. As a professional crime victim advocate, I have always felt it necessary to educate people about victimization and people's responses to crime to help mitigate the prejudice against victims and the perception from society that victims are some how responsible for the actions of  the violent offender. This happens a lot in sexual assault and domestic violence cases. We have witnessed, predominately in the R.Kelly trial, past and present, the perpetuation of rape culture and the normalized attitudes about gender and sexuality. Victim blaming, slut-shaming, minimizing rape and the denial of accountability of the offenders is the norm. Society bathes in outda

In my self-love journey, I have included exploring many ideals including vulnerability. Let's ask ourselves this question, "What does it mean to be vulnerable with another person?" In my experience, vulnerability is expressing your true self regardless of other's judgement. It's true bravery. Vulnerability seems to be the key to healthier interpersonal relationships. Vulnerability is difficult for some people because there is a level of honesty that is required and most often the struggle opening up your heart comes from fear; fear of judgement, the unknown, and ridicule. Fear is a valid emotion. Usually, we feel fear when we suspect danger ahead; however, fear derived from insecurity is no bueno. Trust in the other person is the secret sauce for opening up your soul. Trust is the confidence you place in someone to keep your thoughts and feelings private. Without trust, true intimacy in relationships cannot be achieved. For this reason, we see people struggle with

 I will be 46 years old this month. I have had to reinvent myself numerous times in my life. Sometimes, I wonder how I did it and still remain positive and able to help others.  Giving to others gives me the strength and courage to persevere. Being in the giving profession has opened me up to a lot of different perspectives on life. It has also helped me realize that there needs to be balance in all relationships in life, reciprocity. Unfortunately, I am a sucker for energy vampires in my life. I draw them to me like moths to a flame. Through taking the time to heal past pain and trauma, I have realized that my achilles heal is abandonment. I gave to the wrong people and developed unhealthy relationships all because I did not realize my worth. We all have so much value no matter what we have been through. I tolerated a lot of b.s. and developed too much of a people pleasing attitude. Somewhere along the way I lost my voice.  It's funny because, I wasn't always like this. In hig

 Recently, I have felt a positive shift in my life that indicates that I have closed out a chapter in my life that was very challenging, but at the same time brought me a lot of clarity. It's as if the challenges that I have continuously experienced in life, have made me a stronger person in preparation for my new life. I've had a lot of realizations, "A-ha", moments recently that brought me immense understanding about my life. A lot of these experiences were unnecessary hardships, because I have lived an unauthentic life. In reality, most people do unintentionally. Most people live by the rules, belief systems, and conventions forced on you by society or your family. For example, being raised in a particular religion that doesn't match your true self but you conform because that is what you are supposed to do. There is comfort and familiarity in following suit.  So you are forced to wear a false mask and blend into your circumstances and environment like a chamel

 Boundaries are beautiful. Boundaries increase self-esteem, helps to promote independence, autonomy, and helps you conserve your emotional energy for self. On the flip side, building up walls comes from a place of defensiveness but, setting healthy boundaries comes from a place of love for self. So let's explore how to connect with others through healthy rules and guidelines when it comes to intimacy, communication and interpersonal relationships. We learn about boundaries early on in life through our culture, family dynamics, and our environment. Boundaries can change over the years as our minds grow and perspectives change. As we mature, our perspectives can shift. We begin to have a better understanding of who we are and what we are comfortable with. Through self-reflection we often can begin to define and identify the boundaries that we need to set in place and with whom. Boundaries are flexible because situations and circumstances change in relationships and there is sometimes

 The other day, my former co-worker and friend checked in on me and updated me on our former digs. We both worked in the family violence unit and she was a detective. She investigated family violence and sex crimes cases and also worked with me as a liaison in the community. Together, we both sat on a domestic violence fatality review board and worked a daily detail that focused on advocates and officers working cases together so they can provide the best services to victims of crime. The benefits of community engagement and specialized investigative units, in law enforcement, allows for us to create safer communities and increased justice for victims of violent crimes like domestic violence and sexual assault. My friend mentioned that the police agency we worked for recently reallocated resources away from the specialized domestic violence unit and gave a position to another squad. Our upset came from the fact that we know the impact of domestic violence in our community. People would

 "Everything in life is vibration." -Albert Einstein. Einstein taught us that everything is made up of energy which vibrates at a different frequency. I'm not a science girl, but I do have a general understanding of physics and that everything in the universe is made up of molecules that vibrates at different speeds. Not only are human vibrations composed of physical matter but also exist in thoughts. Certain emotions and thought patterns, associated with positivity and growth, create a higher frequency vibration (joy, happiness, kindness) and so goes the latter; emotions like anger, fear, and envy vibrate at a lower frequency. Recently, I felt that I have stepped into my power and have raised my vibration through healing past pain and trauma. I am sitting in the position of self-awareness. Self-awareness is being conscious of one's own character, feelings, motives and desires. It feels good, and I feel a sense of newness in my life. I want to share with you how to ra

 I get emails from people across the country wanting my advice on abuse, resources and just general support. I have shared my personal, professional experiences and expertise; many ask me, "How do you do it?" Victims of crime, specifically, want to know how I am able to be positive and come out the other side with my head up. The answer is I go within. I am honest with myself and I have always been emotionally mature. This maturity comes from my childhood.  Through spending time going within and past therapy, I have learned that my issues stemmed from not being given the love parents should give their child. My trauma is abandonment. Prior to today, the last time that I felt truly happy was when I was eight years old. I have a picture of me at eight in my multi-colored swimsuit with my hair braided by my beloved grandmother. I look at that picture all the time and tell her to keep her head up. I realized at a very young age that I was different. I always felt like I was older

 It's that time again to explore innovative self-care practices that assists crime victims in their healing journey. This information on honoring your intuition is great for anyone that finds themselves encountering that reoccurring feeling in decision making. When we go through our day managing life and making decisions, we sometimes have that sudden hunch, gut feeling, or suspicion about something we are thinking about. What do you do? Do you listen, feel, observe? Do you ignore? Everyone has intuition but we all don't honor or listen to it. Our intuition often gets ignored because it is not considered logical. We often ask, " How can I make a decision or listen to a feeling if it's not based on fact? In order to understand our intuition let's first explore the concept. What is intuition? Honoring your intuition is the ability to understand something immediately without the need for conscious reasoning. Your intuition consists of those unconscious hunches and gut

 This weekend, I was talking to my friend who was checking in on me. She asked me if I've been putting myself out there. I laughed and asked her what she meant? She said, “You know what I mean.”.....Oh dating? Umm, not as much as I should was my overall answer to her. I'm slightly reserved and very careful due to this pandemic; I'm not keen on the options I've been given. I don't know who's responsible for the choices I've been presented with but, come on. I put out good vibes into the world; I should get valuable options, not scrubs. Men tend to come at me with their rods on fire and not their heart. Excuse the expression but it's vulgarly called "devil di@k". Yea, I'm not interested in middle aged, mindless sex followed by juvenile, unhealthy behavior like ghosting. I want to date and get to know someone. I know that I've been out of the game for some time but, for the love, who the hell set this standard while I was benched in suburb